I'm Here, Always
by fickleflesh
Summary: Pre-Epilogue of the Series Finale. Nate and Serena told each other that they'd be there for each other, always. But under complicated circumstances, how long does always exactly last? Main pairings are Nate/Serena with some Blair/Chuck and Dan/Serena. Please review, as this is my first story xoxo
1. Chapter 1

I stand there next to the row of trees in Central Park, the chilly autumn air overwhelming my bare hands. After about 2 minutes of trying to dial with my leather gloves on, I give up, deciding that no such thing is possible.

"Hello?" I hear his ever-familiar voice once again.

"Hey Nate," I answer, knowing that he recognizes my voice.

"Oh hey, how are you?"

"I'm good," I reply anxiously, "actually, I'm a little better than good. Want to meet me for coffee on fifth?"

"Serena, it is 3 in the afternoon and I have work." He says sternly.

"But _Natie, _you're the boss! Surely you could take a little break? This is really important." I basically bite my lip waiting for his response, which takes a little longer than it should.

"You abuse that nickname you know." He barely whispers.

"Oh Nate, _please!_ You promised you'd always be there right? Well this is always."

"Fine, just this once." He says with heaviness in his voice. I can imagine his hand running through his hair, an act of relieving the temporary stress.

"Okay, I'll see you in fifteen!"

"Serena, my building is 20 minutes away and there's traffic. I don't think 15 minutes will –" he says, but I hang up anyways.

I quickly walk down the large path with a bounce in my step, almost strutting like I'm on the runway, because I'm happiest when I'm doing something I love; and right now, I'm really happy. Fall has just arrived, and although I miss the summer, this season's atmosphere still completely captivates me. The air bites at my bare face, causing my cheeks to turn brighter than my _YSL _blush. I don't quite realize how quickly I'm walking, especially in my black Louboutin suede ankle boots, which are 3 inches tall. I check my phone for the time, noticing that I just barely made the time mark. I eagerly walk into the shop, not expecting Nate to be there yet. However, when I scan the room to find a table to sit at, he is already sitting at our regular table next to the window.

"Nate! How'd you get here so fast? I thought you said –" I start, but he interrupts me.

"Well you're you, and you said it was important. So it's important to me, too." He states, like it's a simple fact.

"Oh." I say, sitting on the little sofa across from him.

"I already ordered your pumpkin spice latte, now that's is fall and everything."

"How do you know me so well?" I say, smirking at him.

"Well you _are _Serena van der Woodsen, and I _have _known you since we were five." He says, exaggerating the breaks in the sentence.

"Oh shut up." I laugh, taking off my gloves and jacket, setting them on the armrest of the chair.

"So," he folds his strong arms over his chest, "why didn't you go to Blair first? Am I really that special?"

"Blair doesn't get back from Puerto Rico until tomorrow, so I'll just have to settle for you." I try my best to conceal the smile that's creeping up on my lips, but finally give up a few short seconds later. I completely forget about his question.

"Ha ha, very funny." He replies as the barista sets down our drinks.

"So," I start, my hands twitching with excitement, "I kind of have some big news and I need your opinion." I'm smiling from ear to ear.

"Really? Wow, and here I sat thinking that this was a solemn occasion." He sends his sarcastic, but cute, remark at me. He's smiling, too.

I glare at him before I pick up my cup to take a sip.

A few seconds have passed as we sit there in silence; me, drinking my latte, and him, watching me. "Fine." I say finally breaking the silence. His lips now contort into a satisfied smile.

"He proposed to me." I say bluntly, excitement washing over me. Instantly, his smile drops, and his eyes give a solemn stare down at his coffee.

"Congratulations." He tries to sound happy for me, but the words come out more like they're straining. "You said yes, I take it?" He glances at my left hand, but notices that it's bare.

"Thank you, but no, not yet."

"What do you mean, 'not yet'?" he asks seriously.

"Well, I don't know if I'm sure yet. I really want to say yes, but I need to think it out first."

"Serena, when you are in a dire situation, you make decisions before you can even blink. But all of a sudden, you choose this situation to be sensible?" He jokes, making me smile.

"Well seeing my mom get married 6 times doesn't exactly make me want to get married so soon." I reply simply.

"Well you're 26, it's not like you're _that_ young."

I gasp, trying to exaggerate the fact that he almost called me old. "Well I'm surprised that those words are coming out of your mouth, considering you're the first person I told." I clutch my chest with my free hand, pretending to be in pain.

"Fine, and thank you. But, what do you want my opinion on? It's your decision."

"I don't know," I almost whisper, "but do you think I should?"

"Serena, you deserve to be happy. So if Dan makes you happy then be with him." He leans back into the plush cushion.

"Nate, I need you to tell me the truth."

He speaks almost immediately. "I think you should look it over."

"What do you mean? That's what I'm doing right now…" My brows furrow.

"How many times have you been together?" he asks.

"Nate, I've loved him since I was 16…" I trail off, because I loved him as well. "We've been together for almost a decade, I think that counts for something." I try to regain my composure.

"Yeah, but you keep breaking up and making up. Let's not forget about all those other guys you dated. They occupied a few years you know," but I cut him off before he can finish.

"Nate, I thought you could be one of the few people genuinely happy for me."

"I am Serena. I always am. But you deserve the best, and I'll always be willing to help you achieve that. I'm only trying to help." He tries to reassure me, as I am now fidgeting quite a bit.

"You never liked my being with Dan have you…" I sigh. "If this is because you're still single after all these years, then at least try to push aside your jealously for this milestone in my life." I cross my arms, only now realizing how loud my voice has gotten.

Nate glances around the room to see if anyone's watching, and they are. "Serena, don't do this." He has a tired look in his eyes.

"I love him. You wouldn't understand…" my anger is now taking over my senses, I don't even know why.

"Of course I understand Serena. Do you honestly think I've never felt love? Do you honestly think that I've been here with you for over 2 decades because I don't care? Because I do, and I have felt love, at least I thought I did." He reaches for his coat and get up to leave.

"Nate," my voice sounding weak, "please don't leave. I didn't mean it."

"What didn't you mean? The part where you accused me of jealousy, or the part where you said you loved me?" And with that, he walks out of the café, slamming the door so hard that the tables tremble, ever so slightly. It's only a few seconds that I can try to hold the tears back, so I leave as well. Leave would be an understatement, more like sprint out of the building as fast as these shoes could take me.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: The story that sort of inspired to me write my own fanfiction is "Back to You" by artisticallyunwritten. The italicized content is a flashback, just in case you don't know. Please review! It means a lot. I plan for this story to have several more chapters. And by several, I mean at least another 10. At least. Okay, enjoy!

I stand on the pavement leaning against the limo, tapping my foot quickly. Blair and Chuck's plane is supposed to land in 5 minutes. I feel so fidgety right now; I don't think I could handle another 2 minutes of waiting. I open up the door and sit myself on the edge of the leather seat, so that I can still see the runway. Yesterday's conversation still lingers in my head, and I refuse to have any thoughts involving Nate. To reoccupy my mind, I dig my hands through my rouge Alma GM _Louis Vuitton _bag, before finally pulling out my iPhone. Although Dan had shut down Gossip girl almost 5 years ago, I still have the weird urge to check the non-existent website. Instead, I read through my emails more like they're pictures, rather than lengthy paragraphs, inquiring what shows I'd be modeling in for this season's New York Fashion Week.

I immediately jump out of my seat when I hear the massive jet touch down. I stuff my phone back into my bag as the plane is in taxi. Since we are at a private airport, the runway is much smaller, so the taxi only takes about a minute.

"Blair!" I squeal like I'm a 16 year old again.

"Serena! Oh my gosh, it is so cold back here." She says pulling on her cardigan so it hugs her body tighter.

"Serena." Chuck says smiling, as he carries Henry off the plane.

"Chuck, hey!" I return the smile as I pick Henry up and carry him, bouncing for no particular reason. "Hey Henry, how was the trip?"

"It was fun! But now it's cold." He clutches to my body for heat. "Blanket?" he asks frowning.

"Blair?" I raise an eyebrow, as I only brought a spare coat for Blair, not Henry.

"Oh, right." Blair retrieves her bag for Henry from the plane attendant. She pulls out a little, but plush, blanket and wraps it around Henry. "We've only been gone 10 days and it's already cold." I hand her a coat and she immediately puts it on.

The limo driver loads the suitcases into the trunk as we file into the heated limo. Though the air is still cold, since I left the door open, the coziness of the low ceiling and the narrow walls gives the vehicle more warmth. Chuck sprawls himself out in the front seats, and Blair cuddles with Henry in the back.

"So why isn't Nate here? After all, he is the other quarter to the club." Blair inquires, as she smoothens Henry's rich, chocolate brown hair. The trunk of the limo is closed.

"Um, must have gotten caught up with The Spectator." I reply quickly, avoiding Blair's piercing brown eyes.

"Well, I won't say much now," she knows I'm lying, "but we should go to Saks or Barney's, and we can talk about what I missed while we were gone." She plasters her smile, which translates to, "I know your secret, but I'll preserve your dignity for now." I smile back, to acknowledge my understanding. We spend the rest of the ride back to their townhouse in silence.

"So I have quite a bit of news, as you can imagine." I rummage through the racks of Topshop's fall collection, which I modeled, a few months earlier. I try to avoid Blair's gaze on the other side of the rack.

"Really? I never would've guessed." I roll my eyes. "Is it about Dan or Nate?" She asks casually, as she finds her size for the blouse that she's interested in.

I let my eyes drop to my feet, but I know there's no avoiding this conversation, now. "Is it possible to say both?" I exhale, anticipating for her answer. Instead, she responds with another question.

"Serena, how long will this last? I thought you were with Dan." She sounds exhausted all of a sudden, but her eyes beg to differ.

"I am with Dan. I didn't cheat on him, if that's what you think. In fact, it's quite the opposite." We move on to another rack. Blair raises her eyebrows, signaling for me to continue. "Dan proposed to me yesterday…."

"I take it you haven't gotten back to him yet, because there's no rock on your finger."

"Yeah, and since you weren't here yesterday, I talked to Nate about it. Safe to say things didn't go as well as I thought they would."

"Really? I wonder why." She's joking, but nonetheless, it's still sarcasm. "What did he say?" She walks over to the shoe displays, going straight to the _Unique _collection. I take a seat on the plush ottomans in the center of the displays.

"Well he was getting jealous when I asked for his opinion, and then he kind of blew up and left." I explain, shrugging.

"What did he say?" Blair reiterates.

"I told him to get over his jealousy, but then I told him that I didn't mean it. Then he asked me whether I didn't mean it when I said that he was jealous or that when I said I loved him. Then he left right after."

Blair takes a seat next to me and smoothens out the skirt of her dress, after she crosses her legs. "Well did he say that he was happy for you?"

"Of course he did. He's Nate, that's just who he is." I reply simply.

"Well let me ask you this, if Nate told you not to, then what would you have done?"

"I would've asked him why. And for the record, he told me to do what makes me happy."

"Would Nate ever tell you otherwise? After all, that's just who he is." If Blair were just another person, I would've walked away. But this _is_ Blair, so I put up with her no matter what.

"Well, now that you're back, what do you think I should do?" I try to change the subject, hoping that my attempt will be successful.

"Since you asked, personally I wouldn't have stayed with him 4 years ago after he revealed his alternate identity. However, you should also take into consideration the whole past. You've hurt each other before, putting a shiny object on a finger won't change that."

"I thought you said that you'd try to forgive and forget."

"Oh I forgave, but I refuse to forget." She says sternly, before getting back up to examine the shoes. Nate's right, why couldn't I have decided out of impulse, like every other time? Possibly because this time, it would be permanent, and I don't quite remember the last time that anything I decided would be permanent.

_Nate's Point of View_

After all these years, Serena still makes me weak. I gave her up, already. There's really no going back now. I slam my fist on my desk, hoping that it'll relieve some anger; but it doesn't. Serena can't keep coming back to me whenever she feels lonely. But the words from last year keep ringing in the back of my head; they refuse to go away.

_ "I don't know what to do, Nate. I don't think I can do this anymore." Serena says, and starts to hysterically cry. I wrap my arms around her, because I'm not sure if there's much else I could do. _

_ "Serena, Dan is just a person. You can't let him wreck you, you're too important." I smooth out her golden hair. Even when I can't see her face, I still feel her beauty; it radiates. She drowns my shirt in tears, but the stains from her makeup are the last of my current worries. _

_ After a few minutes of loud silence, she calms down and releases herself from my embrace. _

_ "Hey, what do you want to do?" I try to find her eyes, which are fixed on her hands. _

_ "Honestly?" I nod. "I want to go get a drink." She springs up; to a foreign eye, you never could've guessed that she just broke down; aside from her smeared eye makeup. _

_ "Well, I would be honored to escort you." I stand up and hold out my hand. She takes it feebly, but her energy and presence is the complete opposite. "No offense, but you should fix your face." I suggest, jokingly. With her free hand, she punches me, though it barely deters me. _

_ "I hate you." She says, resting her head on my shoulder for a mere second before heading to my bathroom to freshen up. _

_ "Is there a particular reason you brought me back to this bar, Nate?" We sit on the same stools as we did 8 years ago. _

_ "Well, I figured that his was the official place where we would drown your sorrows caused by guys." I shrug, allowing a slight laugh to escape my mouth. _

_ She cocks her head to the side, as if to think, before saying, "I like your thinking." She raises her second martini. "To the official Serena-sorrow-drowning landmark!" She exclaims, sticking her nose up high. _

_ "Drink to that." I laugh, as the rim of my scotch meets her cup. _

_ We're not drunk, since we've sort of become immune to alcohol, but I can't help but feel giddy. Perhaps it's because I'm on my third glass, or perhaps it's because I'm with Serena, and that in itself is enough to sate me. _

_ We both stare at each other, and we both wear faint smiles. "Hey Nate, guess what?" She props her head on her head, but still keeps our eye contact. _

_ "What?" I set my glass down on the coaster. _

_ "I love you." She smiles, and although this bar is dark, she ignites the whole room brighter than any light bulb could. _

_ "Always?" I ask, jokingly. We're drunk – well maybe not _that_ drunk, but this is what Serena does; this is what everyone does under the influence. People say things that they don't genuinely mean. _

_ Her eyes lock on mine, silence hanging between us for just a few seconds. "Always." She says firmly, not even blinking once; her sorrow is still present in her gleaming eyes._

_ I break her gaze and return my focus to my glass._

_ "Can we get the bill?" I ask the bartender, way too eagerly. _

_ "Sure." He turns to get the machine. _

_ "By the way, how many martinis did she order?" I ask quietly, because I need validation that her words were said halfheartedly. _

_ He looks down at the receipt. "Only two; she must be a light drinker." He nods as he hands me the machine. _

_ I swipe my card, and then suddenly I realize the flaw in what the bartender said._

_ Serena is not a light drinker. _

The persistent phone ringing brings me back from my trance. I lift the phone from my desk and press it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Mr. Archibald, Dan Humphrey is here and asks to see you. Should I permit him entrance?" My secretary is young, but sounds like a 40 year old.

"Sure." I respond hesitantly, because I'm not sure I can face him after the news that Serena delivered to me.

A second barely passes before I hear the doorknob turn. Though I claim him to be one of my best friends, things change. And the persistent past is another factor that contorts my opinion on him.

He plops himself heavily onto the chair across from me. "Hey." He says simply.

"Hey," I respond with as much cheeriness as I can muster, "what brings you here, man?"

"Well I proposed to Serena yesterday, and she hasn't replied yet."

"Oh" is all I can bring myself to say.

What feels like forever passes by, before he finally speaks again.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't even remember."

"What?" I try my best to keep a steady voice.

"I should've remembered." He runs a hand through his 'artists' hair. "Is it okay that I proposed? I didn't really tell anybody. But, I know that you two have a history and you're her best friend. So, yeah; I guess what I'm asking for is your permission to marry Serena."

"She hasn't even said yes, yet." I reply, defensively.

Dan knits his brows together. "Yeah, I know but – "

"Sorry." I interrupt, before he can finish his sentence. "Yeah, you have my permission." I lie, because I can't bring myself to ruin Serena's only permanent chance at happiness. It's just not who I am.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dan?" I call out nervously, trembling as I enter the Brooklyn Loft.

"Oh yeah, I'm in here." He calls out from his office. He turns from the bookshelf as soon as I enter the room. I haven't seen him since the day he proposed.

"Hey," I throw my arms around him and he softly kisses me. "I wanted to talk you about something." My arms collapse back to my sides as I walk over to the couch to take a seat. I stare down at my fingers because I'm not sure if I could look him in the eye right now.

"You can always talk to me, you know." He replies reassuringly, sitting on the table in front of the couch, so we have to talk face to face.

"I know." I say so quietly, that I don't even think he can hear me. "So I thought it over." My eyes finally meet his.

"So tell me your thoughts." He takes my delicate hands in his; a metaphorical bridge built between us.

This was not how I rehearsed the conversation to be like. This isn't the kind of strain that I expected to feel.

"Well, I think that we've hurt each other in the past. We've wrecked each other, but we've also built each other up to be better people. Well maybe you just built me," I laugh a little, remembering how I was when we first met. "But we have something special, and that's not just because we've been with each other for a long time."

"Serena, where are you going with this?" Dan's usual brown eyes soften, as his eye contact falters to his lap.

"It's been a long and stressful decade, Dan." I try to find his eyes again, because they can always bring out the truth in me. When he lifts his head a bit and his eyes meet my gaze, it gives me a bit more confidence. "I don't know where and who I'd be today, if it weren't for you." I smile a little, hoping he acknowledges my gratitude. I try my best to untangle the knot in my stomach with my words, but they don't seem to give. "I…." I try my best to form my last sentence, but I can't seem to find the words.

"Serena, it's okay. Whatever you say, I'll try my best to be okay with it." No matter how much I hurt him, whether accidentally or purposely, he sees the best in me; and that's something special.

This is a really big moment in my life; I've already screwed up so many times. I refuse for this to be another. I straighten my back, trying to regain my composure.

"I don't know I would've done without you." I reiterate. "Though I don't know how my future will be like, I do know that I want you in it; as my one and only." The smile on my face stretches from ear to ear, because this is a landmark in my life, and there's not much else I can do.

In record time, a smile is reflected onto his face. Without adverting his gaze, he pulls out the little box from his pocket and opens it with the hand that is no longer holding mine. This is the second time I've seen the ring, and although its not extravagant, it has more appeal, now that I'm sure of myself; or at least I think I am.

When he slips on the ring, my thoughts disperse everywhere. I can't help but kiss him in this special moment. But when I have his arms around me, there's an uneasy feeling of uncertainty. Along with that bad thought, my mind wanders to dangerous districts, such as separation, and something else that is forbidden during a moment like this; Nate.

_Nate's Point of View_

"Dude, want to meet up for lunch tomorrow at The Modern?" Dan asks.

"Sure, but what's the occasion?" I inquire. This isn't like Dan; usually he'll ask to go to a café or hotdog stand.

"I guess the Upper East Side really has influenced me, all these years." He chuckles, completely avoiding my question.

"Okay, but do you need me to make a reservation? The restaurant's pretty popular, these days."

"It's just lunch, it should be less crowded. Oh man, imagine if people thought we were together." We both break out into hysterics. My thinking is numbed, until I remember that Serena and I used to always have lunch there. "Besides, we already have a reservation."

"Wait, but how did you get one? It's usually pretty full –"

He laughs a little. "You underestimate me, Golden Boy." He says and hangs up. Although I've forgiven him for being Gossip Girl a long time ago, it still ever so slightly irritates me when he calls me that nickname. I shove my phone back into my pocket, only to receive a text message from Dan, with the information for lunch tomorrow. There must be a reason that we're going out for lunch on Fifth Avenue. We never go out to fancy places, especially since we're guys. I ignore the incoming question I have and bring my focus back to the stack of papers in front of me.

I walk the long and cold trip, from my office to The Modern. I give the waiter Dan's reservation and wait while they find it. When I turn around for a second, I see Blair and Chuck walking in, with Henry in tow.

"Nate, what are you doing here? Alone?" Chuck asks, as he approaches me.

"Right this way." I hear the waitress say.

"I'm meeting Dan here for lunch." I ignore the waitress approaching the dining area.

"That's strange, we're meeting Serena here." Blair says while Henry stares off into space.

We all advance towards the waitress that is waiting (how surprising) for us at the entryway. When we navigate through the busy tables. That's when we notice them; Dan and Serena sitting there at a table, with 4 empty placemats.

"Serena, what is this?" Blair asks Serena, accusingly. By the looks of it, Blair already knows the answer.

Although their hands are under the table, I know that he's holding her hand.

"Take a seat?" Serena smiles hopefully.

As Blair is about to take a seat, a waiter walks up hurriedly. "Excuse me ma'am, but young children are not allowed in this restaurant."

Blair turns around swiftly, carrying a bored Henry in her arms. "Well excuse me, but I am Blair Waldorf-Bass," She says with her nose in the air. "And if you don't recognize that name, then maybe you shouldn't be allowed in _Manhattan." _ She says in her signature tone. "Now, my son needs an elevated seat." She turns away and hands Henry to Chuck. The waiter scurries off to find a high chair of some sort.

"So Serena," Chuck begins. "What life changing event has brought us all here today?" He wears his signature smirk; he's Chuck Bass, he knows everything.

Dan and Serena glance at each other before speaking in unison.

"We're engaged!" They both exclaim in excitement.

I become speechless, even though this is what I anticipated. It all makes sense now. Serena's name got them the reservation. Dan got me to come here, and Serena got Blair, Chuck, and Henry to attend.

Blair pastes a genuine smile (though with Blair, genuine is a questionable trait) and offers her congratulations, like any best friend should.

"Wow, congratulations." I manage to get the words out of my mouth. We all raise our glasses to toast, after Henry is sat in his chair.

"To Lonely Boy and the It Girl." Chuck laughs. Despite all of our mixed feelings, we all laugh at his reference to Gossip Girl. We all clink our glasses, but when my glass meets Serena's, I can't bring myself to make eye contact.

"No eye contact is bad luck, Nate." Blair says accusingly. "You wouldn't want Serena and Dan to have bad luck with their relationship, would you?" She smirks.

"I would never." I say with lightness in my voice, hoping that Serena doesn't think that there's anything wrong with me. I smile as our champagne glasses tip towards each other for the second time.

"Mommy, what's happening?" Henry's little voice says as soon as well all set our glasses down.

"Your Auntie Serena is going to get married to Dan." She says smiling, for her own child's sake.

"Oh, I see." He folds his pint-sized hands into his lap, not offering any positive words to Serena or Dan. It's not that he doesn't like Serena, because he adores her, but he doesn't like Dan. I guess he really was born a Waldorf-Bass. He may only be 2 and a half years old, but much like his parents, he's wise beyond his years.

When we're all getting up to leave, Chuck drags me towards to the waiting area, but still within view from out table.

"How are you?" Chuck asks, leaning against the doorframe.

"I'm great, why?" I fold my arms across my chest, frowning.

"People don't frown when they feel 'great', Nathaniel."

I plaster a smile on. "Better?"

"You're going to need to be a better actor for the wedding." He pushes off the frame and gets ready to walk back to the table.

I start to walk after him. "What do you mean?" Even though we both very well know that I understood what he meant.

He turns around to face me. "Nathaniel, you still look at her the same way you did 10 years ago." His free hand is waving in the air to help express his words. "I'm giving you two choices. You either try to move on, or you can do something about it. Marriage isn't a casual thing; it's permanent." And with that, he makes his way back to the table. I stand there and watch as Chuck collects Henry in his arms, and kisses Blair on the cheek. They all look at me, so I walk away because Chuck probably told them that I had business to tend to. Before I turned away, Serena gave me a faint smile. I suppress the urge to smile back, because she's the one that broke me, and she's breaking me, once again.

A/N: I know a lot of your reviews are asking for Serena and Nate together, and I will! Just not in these next few chapters ): I'll try my best to have some more Serenate interaction in the next chapter. I'm sorry if this disappoints you, but hopefully it'll be worth the wait! I'm going along with the finale so yes, *disclaimer* Dan and Serena still get married. I hoped you enjoyed, and I wish you all a lovely day or night. xx


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